Today was a difficult day for me. Today we should have been celebrating our angel baby's 1st birthday. In April 2010 Nick and I lost our first baby. It was the most difficult day of my life. I will never forget that day, or the days before. Nick and I were overjoyed to learn that we were pregnant. No matter how long you know you've been pregnant it isn't easy. We only knew for a few days. We were already so in love with that baby and it was crushing to lose him/her. I don't wish that kind of pain on anyone. God has taught me so very much through that experience. I have always been a little scared of Heaven, go with me for a minute. The thought of "forever" has always scared the mess out of me. I have this out of body experience when I think about it too long and begin to panic. Now I have something to really look forward to. I get to meet, hold, hug and kiss my sweet angel when I get to Heaven. He has also allowed me to comfort others who have experienced losing a baby. I wouldn't have had the words to comfort others without going through it myself. Being able to help others and tell them what has happened and what helped me has made me able to relate to so many friends. I will say that it has gotten easier, however I always think about that baby. When we went in for our confirmation visit when we found out we were pregnant with Allie one of the first questions they asked was, "Is this your first pregnancy?" and it hit me again. Because I had to say no, even though there wasn't another baby there with me.
So today I was looking at a page on facebook and saw a picture of a little girl and her name was Emerson. I like this name and have tried to convince Nick that if we have a boy we should name him this. He so far hasn't gone for it. I never thought about it for a girl until I saw this adorable face and long blonde hair. I met Janna to get my nails done today and I called Nick on the way there and asked him what he thought about naming our angel Emerson, since it went for a boy or a girl. He loved it. So today we celebrate our angel Emerson's first birthday. We love you so much and cannot wait to get to Heaven to meet you!
Allie is continuing to amaze me every day. For the past two weeks we have been letting her drink a little bit of water after she eats. She loves to drink out of the sippy cup although she doesn't get the concept of sucking or holding the handles. I just hold it and tilt it up to her mouth. Well today she grabbed both of the handles and put the cup in her mouth, all by herself!
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